With the Academy Awards over for another year, Chris Sullivan looks back at the best and worst of the acceptance speeches and then flees in terror from an army of stage school children.
The Oscars are done and dusted for another year and, even though I only correctly predicted a mere 12 out of the 16 category winners, it was still all rather unsurprising.
The King’s Speech bagged four Oscars for best film, director, actor and original screenplay for 74-year-old David Seidler ("My father always said I would be a late bloomer," he joked) and best actor for Firth. Best film surprised me because I still believe True Grit to be the better film and I was shocked that it came away empty handed.
But Yanks, or at least the Academy, love the British Royal Family – me, I come from Wales and an Irish heritage, so I just don’t get it.
Of course, the eloquent Firth delivered the best acceptance speech. "I have a feeling my career's just peaked,” said the actor looking rather bilious. “I have to warn you that I'm experiencing stirrings somewhere in the upper abdominals which are threatening to form themselves into dance moves, which joyous as they may be for me, would be extremely problematic if they made it to my legs before I make it off stage."
After thanking his cast and crew, he concluded: "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some impulses I have to tend to backstage." I like Colin Firth and I do hope he brought a spare pair of boxers.
King’s Speech director Tom Hooper said that in 2007 his mother saw the play of The King's Speech and rang him afterwards, saying: "'Tom, I think I've found your next film…' The moral of the story is, listen to your mother." Touching, but I reckon he can keep that bit of advice.
'I missed Melissa’s acceptance speech because I was at the bar they wouldn’t let me back in. I missed the f-bomb' – Christian Bale
The Social Network, came away with three Oscars one for best original score for Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’s sparsely electronic opus best adapted screenplay and best editing.
I predicted the first two but still feel there was no discernable editing aplomb in the movie – for my money it should have gone to The Fighter or Inception.
The latter fulfilled my best special effects award prophecy and also nabbed the best cinematography award for Wally Pfister that I (wrongly) predicted would go to Roger Deakins for True Grit. Even though Deakins would have deserved the statuette, he won for No Country For Old Men and Oscar doesn’t do rapid repetition.
Two of the most worthy recipients that I nailed were the best supporting actor awards for Christina Bale and Melissa Leo both for The Fighter. According to Variety magazine, the latter made Oscar history by using the F- word for the first time. "When I watched Kate (Winslet) two years ago, it looked so f---ing easy," said Leo prior to being bleeped. She then grabbed presenter Kirk Douglas' cane and walked off the stage yelling "Oh my God."
Bale missed co-star Leo’s acceptance speech. “I found myself out in the bar with Dicky Eklund, [who Bale played in the film] and my wife,” explained the Welsh-born actor backstage. “I unfortunately missed Melissa’s acceptance speech because they wouldn’t let me in. I missed the f-bomb. But, you know, I’ve laid down many of them before myself before, so I think I know what it was all about.”
Bale dropped a bollock of his own when he forgot his wife’s name. He thanked almost everyone and went to thank his wife, stammered and spaced out. The camera found his wife wife’s face, which looked like a mixture of joy and unease.
I correctly picked Toy Story 3 as best animated film but that was a no brainer. I also got best make-up for Wolfman, starring Benicio Del Toro, but who honestly thinks about make-up when watching a film?
I thought Banksy’s Exit Through The Gift Shop would win best doc but then again, I haven’t seen the winner, Inside Job: Charles Ferguson’s apparently meticulous and destructive autopsy of the 2008 financial fuck up of 2008. "After which, not a single banking executive has gone to jail," he said.
I also thought Outside The Law (Hors-la-loi) by director Rachid Bouchareb would win the best foreign but the Danish, In A Better World, directed by Susanne Bier, claimed that.
If I'd managed to find a bookie in New York, I’d have lost $20 on Annette Bening for The Kids Are Alright – although I did say that Golden Globe and BAFTA winner Natalie Portman was in with a huge chance for The Black Swan.
But I reckon the Oscars should get an award themselves for the most cringe-worthy, vomit-inducing finale ever created anywhere in the history of the universe.
Singing the foulest version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow I’ve ever suffered was a huge collection of precocious, over-acting stage school brats with hideous facial expressions and clumsy hand movements while their director/teacher minced about like a possessed fairy.
The kids come from Public School 22 in New York. How on earth could one school produce so many ghastly kids?
The awards are supposed to encourage actors and film-makers but if this is the future of Hollywood, I’d rather their parents got them jobs down a mine somewhere.
One imbecile blogger, Michael Slezak from TV Line US, actually said this was the best part of the whole ceremony. Now that really scares me.
Want more?
- Check out Chris Sulivan's Oscar predictions
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