No idea what to get your loved ones this Christmas? Well don't listen to Glen Ferris…
As long as there have been celebrities, there have been celebrity-endorsed products. Some have been iconic (step forward the George Foreman grill), others not so much. Ahead of freeskier Jon Olsson’s soon-to-be-launched Douchebags luggage range (don’t let the name fool you, we’re assured they’re very cool), we’ve grabbed six star-shilled specialties that will hopefully not find a place in your Christmas stocking…
Sylvester Stallone’s Pen
They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but is a simple writing implement tougher than Rambo’s machete or a punch in the chops from Rocky Balboa? Sylvester Stallone seems to think so. In fact, old Sly is stood so firmly in the writing-device-over-offensive-weapon camp that he’s decided to endorse the Montegrappa Chaos pen. Comprised of black celluloid mixed with sterling silver and 18-karat gold embellishments and featuring a body of skulls, lizards and fists, it’s utterly hideous and shockingly expensive – looks like money can’t buy taste after all.
Bill Wyman’s Metal Detector
Nothing says rock ‘n’ roll like metal detecting right? Former Rolling Stone Bill Wyman certainly seems to think so and that’s why he’s peddling his very own treasure-hunting device which comes complete with autographed detailing. Quite how this former hell-raiser got into sweeping fields for bits of tin is unclear, but we reckon the answers are hidden in his accompanying book Treasure Detecting Adventures In The British Isles.
Noel Gallagher’s Adidas
When the former Oasis songsmith and current fraternal litigator Noel Gallagher was approached by Adidas to appear in an advert with Ian Brown, he had but two stipulations: tickets to the World Cup and his own line of very limited-edition trainers. Showing that he too can venture into the world of fashion after his estranged brother Liam launched his own Pretty Green range, Noel’s footwear comes in a low-top style with a white leather upper contrasted by three blue stripes. The kicker is on the shoe tongue, which features a portrait of Noel Gallagher etched onto it in gold, as well as his signature. Guess the giant eyebrow-shaped laces didn’t make it past the planning stage.
Bear Grylls’ Survival Knife
Now, there’s nothing particularly wrong with this product per se, it’s just that we really can’t imagine getting lost in the wilderness and unscrolling a little pamphlet of survival tips while unsheathing a celeb-branded survival knife. TV survivalist Bear Grylls may well know his stuff when it comes to making fires out of nothing but leaves and hot air but it’s tough to picture any similarly adventurous types purchasing his product, no matter how slick the fire-starting mechanism is.
Paris Hilton’s Prosecco In A Can
The queen of preposterous products outdoes even herself here. Seemingly not content with trying to make the world look and smell like her, Ms Hilton now wants people to drink like her too. All of which mean that the planet could soon be filled with feckless types swigging prosecco from a can. Imagine a blinged-up hobo, that’s what they’d look like. Classy!
Hulk Hogan’s Ultimate Grill
Did you know that the former wrestler and proponent of the global pandemic known as Hulkamania was originally approached to endorse the grill range that later made George Foreman a fortune? Well, it clearly stuck in the man with the 24-inch pythons’ craw, because it wasn’t long before he launched his own range of food mangles. Purportedly able to cook everything you could possibly want to eat – from steak to vegetables, panini to waffles – thanks to its omni-controllable dual plates, it’s all you’ll ever need in the kitchen… if you like all your food to taste exactly the same.
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